Fifty Shades Clearer
by DoILookLikeIGiveADamn
Summary: My take on what healthier (consent, trust, respect) relationships in Fifty Shades Of Grey would look like. No, BDSM and its relationships are NOT unhealthy, but stalkery tendencies are. I will be criticizing. After all, this is a jabbing parody. 2nd person. I write this with the original book by my side and go page by page. BDSM included. First 2 chapters stay as-is. Puns included.
1. Chapter 1

"I owe you big time." Katherine calls out weakly from her bed.  
"Don't be silly. You don't owe me anything." You stand at the doorway and watch her. A garbage can sits between her legs as the headboard presses against her back. Her eyes are throbbing, but she lifts and opens them to look at you, a fragile smile on her face.  
"Thank you." You smile back and nod. She dry heaves for the umpteenth time that day, and you try to hide your cringe at the pain she's going through. "Do you have your notebook with you? The recorder? And the questions…?"  
"Yes, yes and yes. Don't worry, Kate. It'll be okay. I promise." Your best friend harrumphs, pale as the sheets spread around her. All of a sudden an alarmed look crosses her face and she jumps out of bed, almost knocking into you in her haste to get to the bathroom.  
_There is definitely never a good time to get sick._  
You tap your fingernail against your right incisor, slightly unnerved at the prospect of leaving your comfort zone.  
Biting your lip, you pick up your small leather backpack, checking its contents one last time before giving yourself a quick onceover in the mirror. Yes, you were going for a more serious look, but now you just remind yourself of the elderly woman next door who keeps shouting at her TV set at 3 a.m. Plus, that ponytail looks a bit too childish to be tasteful, and you know it. Sighing, you go to your room, changing into a pair of dark jeans, a simple white button up shirt, black blazer and matching ballerinas. Once again staring at the mirror, you morph your ponytail into a side braid, brushing your somewhat uneven bangs to the right.

You head over to the bathroom door and knock.

"Kate? I'm leaving. I left you some chicken soup with rice on the counter in case you get hungry. Oh, and there's a bottle of cranberry juice in the fridge. And please call me if you need anything."

You wait for the weak "thank you" before heading out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

You're so glad you left several hours early. The 165 miles from Vancouver to Downtown Seattle, even in Kate's Mercedes, make for a long trip. You enjoy taking your time, singing along to Katy Perry songs as you speed down Interstate 5 and overtake other cars whenever you get bored on the highway (which just happens to be every few seconds). As you close in on your destination, you begin to make out the Great Wheel, the Westin Hotel, Smith Tower, Columbia Center and the Space Needle. Skyscrapers, lakes and hills welcome you on arrival, as does the city's traffic. In fact, finding a parking space in the central business district takes you about forty-five minutes, and the walk from the car to the location of the twenty-store office building takes around thirty. On your way there you stroll past busy people, cafés, shops, and gyms. Through a clothing store's display window you see two teenagers fussing over their future prom dresses. Their companion, the third girl, a pale brunette with void eyes, has a slightly dull look on her face. _Déjà vu_. You shake off the feeling and keep moving forward.

You arrive at **Grey House** at quarter to two, making your way past the glass front doors guarded by a pair of men with earpieces and suits. You head directly towards the sharp blonde woman sitting at a polished sandstone desk. Glass and steel surround you, and you can't help but think of how sterile it all looks.

"Hello. I'm Anastasia Steele, for Katherine Kavanagh. I'm here to interview Mister Grey. The appointment's at two?"

"Yes, good afternoon Miss Steele. Miss Kavanagh informed us this morning that you would be coming in her place. You will have to sign in and present your ID before seeing Mister Grey." She looks you over. Her gentle smirk and arched brow make you blush. She's attractive and she knows it. The secretary passes you a pen and the large book placed in front of her. You note her lean fingers. "Would you please write down your name, initials and ID or Social Security number here, here and here?" You nod and do as you're told, jotting everything down and handing in your identification card. "Thank you. Please excuse me for a moment." The woman clears her throat before pressing a button on the intercom at her desk. "Mister Grey, Miss Steele has arrived for the interview." A brief second passes before the reply comes through, preceded by the sound of static.

"Thank you Palmer. Please send her up." Palmer hands you a visitor's pass.

"To my left, the last elevator on the right, up to the twentieth floor." She's smiling again. "Have a nice day, Miss Steele." You murmur your thanks and flee. Intrigued dark brown eyes watch you as you leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there! Guess who's finally back! ;D**

* * *

Another lobby, desk and blond await your arrival on the twentieth floor. The second secretary rises as the lift pings and opens to reveal you. Two sets of guards stand at their posts: one by the bank of elevators around you and the other by the desk. Their expressions vary between stoic and amiable, and you decide to focus your attention on the young intern heading your way.

"Welcome, Miss Steele. Mister Grey is just finishing up a meeting; it will only take a moment." He smiles gently before leading you towards the white leather sofas and dark brown coffee tables placed in a U shape and facing his work station. This reception area is livelier than the last: a framed floor-to-ceiling window turns the outside world into a landscape painting, the walls on either side of it are a deep metallic red and a marble statue stands in the corner to your left, parallel to the leafy plant at your right. You sit and are offered a beverage which you politely decline, pulling out your own water bottle instead to take a few sips. As you wait your knee bounces and your eyes wander over the carved marble figure: soft, curvy, delicate. You read the plate at its feet: _Figure tombale - Julien Dillens. Replica_. A woman sitting back on her heels, hands in her lap and chin slightly up, eyes closed and lips parted. Your thoughts stay fixed on her as a strange chill runs up your legs.

You snap back to reality when the sound of heavy doors opening and a conversation resound around you.

"Hoops this week, Grey?" A deep, warm voice waits for an intelligible reply before walking down the hall from the office towards the intern's desk. The voice reveals itself as an elegantly dressed young man steps into the lobby. Well kempt dreadlocks cascade down his back and deep brown eyes find you before a smile crinkles the skin around them.

"Good afternoon."

You flush and smirk. "Good afternoon, Sir." His pleasantly surprised expression is oddly satisfying. You bite your lip and the man crashes into one of the guards.

"Miss Steele?" The intern calls for your attention, standing before you. "Mister Grey will see you now." You get up and store away your water bottle, sending the suave gentleman now waiting by the elevators one last glance and smile over your shoulder.

The corridor the blond leads you down ends with large grey doors and you finally discover the PTZ cameras tucked discreetly in what seems like every nook and cranny of the edifice. You're slightly jittery, overly aware of yourself, your surroundings and the adrenaline coursing through your veins. You straighten your clothes, brush your bangs to the side and nibble your thumbnail. You've read the questions dozens of times, had Kate relay what little public information there was to you, searched countless webpages just in case; you're ready, you've come prepared - yet you can't shake this flash of nervousness off of you, like you're on a plane that's just about to take off.

The door is opened for you, and you take one last breath before crossing the threshold and lying face down on the carpeted floor.


End file.
